There's a version of me that spent a lot of time waiting. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for the right people to say yes to the plan. Waiting for life to feel settled before I allowed myself to enjoy it. I think a lot of us do this — we treat happiness like something we'll earn once we've sorted everything out. But sorted never quite arrives, does it?
My name is Roshan R Sivakumar — most people on the internet know me through my brand, Life of an Analyst Boy. I'm an MBA graduate in Lean Operations from Christ University Bangalore, currently completing my MS in Decision Analytics at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. I've done enough to feel proud. And I've also done enough to feel lost — sometimes on the same Tuesday.
This is a post about what I've been learning lately: that acceptance isn't giving up. It's just choosing to live in the present tense.
"You can't control what's already happened. But you get to choose what it means — and what comes next."
Whose Dream Was It, Really?
I look back at different chapters of my life — Karur, then Bangalore, then Richmond — and I can see moments where I wasn't really living my life, I was living inside someone else's expectation of what it should look like. A course chosen because it looked impressive. A career direction that made sense on paper. A version of success that honestly wasn't mine.
The thing is, you don't always realise it while it's happening. You're so deep in the doing that you forget to ask why. It was only when I started pulling back — sitting with a quiet cup of Adeni chai, or watching the Richmond sunset through a cold window — that I started asking better questions. Not "am I succeeding?" but "is this even the version of success I want?"
Working as a Desk Assistant while pursuing a master's degree is humbling in the best way. It's not glamorous. But it's real. It keeps me grounded in the fact that I'm here building something — and every step, even the ones that feel small, is mine.
Worry Is Just Imagination Pointed in the Wrong Direction
I've noticed something about worry: it's almost never about right now. It's about a future scenario that exists only in your head — a worst-case constructed from uncertainty. And the more you feed it attention, the more real it feels.
What I've been practising is something simple but genuinely hard: when I notice myself spiralling, I pause and ask — what can I actually do about this today? If the answer is "nothing", I make a deliberate choice to redirect my attention. Not suppress it. Just redirect.
When the spiral starts, here's what helps me:
- Put on a playlist and let music take over.
- Move — actually dance, not just think about dancing.
- Walk to Jamra near campus for their Adeni chai (you'll understand once you try it).
- Order a Biscoff latte.
- Sit somewhere different.
- Let the shift in environment shift the mood.
These aren't distractions. They're maintenance.
Remember What You've Actually Done
When the fog rolls in, one thing that genuinely helps is making a list — not of what I still need to do, but of what I've already accomplished. Not because I want to brag. But because anxiety has a habit of making you forget everything that came before the current crisis.
What I've Built (And You Can Too)
- MBA — Christ University, Bangalore · Lean Operations focus
- MS Decision Analytics — VCU · Currently pursuing
- Six Sigma Green Belt — KPMG · Process optimization certified
- Marketing KPI Dashboard · Real business impact tracking
- MAT Engine AMPL Tool · Optimization engine I built
- Customer Segmentation Research · Advanced analytics methodology
Some days you just need to sit somewhere and remind yourself how far you've come. None of this disappeared because today is hard. All of it is still real.
If They're Not Planning the Trip, Plan It Yourself
This one took me a while to learn. I used to wait for my friends to get their schedules together before I'd make any move. If they were busy, the plan would die. And so would a little piece of the weekend.
But here's something I've started doing differently: if no one's available, I go anyway. Solo. Or I find people who are free — new people, unexpected company, someone from a class or the café who mentioned they wanted to check out the same spot.
The adventure doesn't require a committee vote. It just requires one person saying yes — and that person is allowed to be you.
Music helps here too. A good playlist can make a solo drive feel like the opening scene of a great film. You stop waiting for the world to cooperate and start becoming someone who makes things happen — and that shift follows you back into every other part of your life.
Going Back to India — But Different This Time
One of the things I think about most is going home. Back to my family. Back to the people who don't need an elevator pitch to understand who I am. But I also think about going back with something more than a degree — going back with a toolbox.
I want to bring everything I learned about operations, lean thinking, and data-driven strategy to my family's business. Not to take over, but to support. To contribute in a way that actually moves the needle.
"I'm not going back to escape the journey. I'm going back because part of the purpose is there — and I'll be ready."
And Dubai — that's on the horizon too. Long-term. Deliberate. Not rushed. I'm working toward a future in Operations Analytics or Marketing Analytics in a city that rewards the people who show up with real capability and real ambition. But I'm not sprinting toward it while missing everything that's already here.
The Present Moment Is Enough
Here is the thing I keep coming back to: the act of planning something makes you feel better right now. You don't have to wait until the trip happens to feel the excitement of it. You don't have to wait until the career milestone lands to feel the energy of moving toward it. The intention itself carries power.
So plan the trip. Order the Biscoff latte. Walk to Jamra. Put on the playlist. Call the friend. Or don't call the friend — just go anyway. Let the sunset surprise you. Accept what you can't change. Work on what you can. Remember everything you've already built. And don't let the unfortunate moments write the whole story — they're just chapters, not conclusions.
That's what Life of an Analyst Boy really means to me. Not performance. Not pretending everything is fine. But choosing, every day, to be the main character of your own life.
— Roshan R Sivakumar
MBA (Lean Operations) · MS Decision Analytics, VCU · Six Sigma Green Belt
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